Apprehension, worry and the risks before my latest surgery.
As most of you will know I’ve been unwell for almost 4 months. It’s been the hardest few months of my life but I’m finally getting surgery on 7th September. So as I write this my surgery is only days away or for some reading this after the 7th of September I’ll already have had the surgery. So with the surgery being so close I just wanted to write a small post about my thoughts and my apprehensions going into having surgery again.
Don’t get me wrong it’s a massive relief to be finally getting the surgery that will hopefully sort all my issues. Every day I try to remain positive. However, with it now being only days away I’m finding myself plagued with apprehension and worries about all the ‘what if’ questions.
What if it doesn’t help? It could make things worse? What if something goes wrong with the surgery?
Obviously no surgery is without risks and my surgeon has discussed all these with me. The risks are small and I know I have a very skilled and well qualified surgeon. However, while I’m under anaesthetic and cut open with another 5 institutions in my chest and stomach anything could happen. That scares me and I have no control over it.
Why the apprehension?
Last time I had this type of surgery in 2011 I wasn’t married and I didn’t have children so my outlook was totally different. I actually don’t remember having any worries at all. If I’m honest last time I didn’t even really know what I was having done. All I knew is it was going to stop me being sick after every meal.
This time around I have a wife and two young kids so I’m worried for myself and them too. These past few months have been just as hard for them as it has been for me. I also know exactly what’s happening to me this time around. Plus I’ve done a lot more research and spoken to a lot more people about the procedure. I think being more aware this time around and knowing what to expect having gone through it before has added to my apprehension.
I’m sure I’ll look back on this post and think ‘Why the hell did you write that?’. But today this is how I’m feeling so I wanted to write it down to get it off my chest.
It’s only a few days away so I don’t have long to wait. Then hopefully all these worries and apprehensions will be gone but I want everything to be over now. I want to go back to work, play with my children, cuddle my wife, go out and feel okay. I want to be able to eat normally, not take medication every day and feel no pain. The list is endless….
I just want to go back to how things were 4 months ago. I will appreciate my life so much more and I will treasure every special moment with my children, wife, friends and family.
Speak to you post operation…
Anyway, I told you this would just be a brief post so now I’ve got that of my chest I’ll wrap things up here.
My next post will be post operation so I’ll speak to you all after and hopefully have some good news for you. Thank you for listening to my worries and apprehensions. If you have any words of advice or support please leave me a comment and say hello.
This real life Dad xx
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