My struggles with mental health

Recently I wrote a post with an update into my current illness, mental health and situation. In that post which you can read here, I shared that although I’m feeling slightly better, a lot of emphasis on slightly, I have really struggled to deal with the fact I may never get better. This has impacted on my mental health massively.

I’ve juggled with the idea of writing this post or not, mainly as it’s so personal and to be honest I wasn’t sure I wanted everyone to know my darkest secrets. Then after lots of contemplation I’ve decided that the topic of mental health; anxiety and depression is too important not to share. More awareness and understanding is needed when it comes to mental health and in particular anxiety and depression. So here I am wearing my heart on my sleeve and sharing my mental health story.

Anxiety and depression

Anxiety and depression is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, those who know me will know I struggle with 1 on 1 situations and have a deep fear of public speaking. So much so that I couldn’t even do a speech at my own wedding. Not being able to get up and tell my new wife how much i love her is still one of my biggest regrets.

I’ve also struggled with social anxiety and panic attacks in the past. When I was in university the attacks became so severe that I couldn’t even leave the house or speak to anyone, not even my close friends or family without having a panic attack. So I dropped out of university and for nearly a year I suffered in silence. I became a recluse and locked myself away from the world.

The attacks became so frequent that I decided I needed to get help, so I went to my GP and told him what was happening. To my surprise he explained how common this was and spoke to me about all the ways I could get help with the attacks. He said I could be referred for therapy to talk to someone and discuss my anxiety and attacks. This sounded like the last thing on earth I wanted to do. However, I pushed myself to get the help I needed so I agreed to go to counselling session to see what it was all about. To my complete surprise the session was so relaxed and that made it really easy for me to talk to the therapist. I don’t know why I was surprised,  it’s their job after all.

After many sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) I found myself being able to do so much more and was even able to get out the house to do simple tasks like going on a bus or going to the shops. These were massive steps for me. Over lots of time and patience I slowly became more confident in social situations. I still find social situations tough but at least now after the therapy, I had techniques and ways to make them easier. Over the years I learnt not to avoid the situations and found myself getting so much better.

Later life

Into my late 20’s and more recently I’ve noticed a lot of my worry, anxiety and more recently my depression slipping back into my life. I found myself needing to take anti-depressant drugs to help boost my confidence and mood. I tried to use all the techniques I learnt from my therapy but they just weren’t working like they use to so medication and more therapy was needed. I’ve probably been on anti-depressant medication on and off for about 14 years. I’m now currently on them indefinitely.

My illness and my mental health

In the last year my mental health has been all over the place. Mainly due to my current illness and stomach problems. I’ve found myself slipping into really depressed states where I’ve found life hard to deal with. In these lowest moments over the last 8 months I’ve found myself really struggle to function correctly. I’ve had days where I’m so low I just stay in bed all day doing nothing but sit with my thoughts all while being in pain. I’ve noticed myself become very distant and quiet with my family and friends which I hate.

I’m here to tell my story and raise awareness about mental health as it affects so many of us and in most cases it’s an invisible illness where we don’t know the person we are talking to is suffering. I would like to end my post on a positive and urge everyone to be open and honest with your family, friends, your doctor, give a helpline a call or give me a message, I’m happy to listen. Opening up and talking is the best thing you could do.

Remember the saying “it’s okay to not be okay” and I really hope this post helps you.

Thanks

This real life Dad